Welcome to the delayed* second installment of Millennial Children’s Poetry, in which the trials and tribulations of the troll generation are written in the style of our favorite childhood authors.

Today’s poem was inspired by the brilliant Kathryn Borel, who earlier this year asked the age-old question, “Can I wear a romper to work?”

shel poem

My Romper
by Shel “Not Shel Silverstein” Silverstein

My romper is covered in pockets,
Each fold hides a secret delight.
It’s got chocolates and Xanax and pennies,
Away from the 5-0’s sight.
You wouldn’t believe what’s inside it!
Houdini himself would be stunned!
Oh, there’s plenty of treats in my romper,
Enough for everyone!
I’ve got local, organic mascara.
I’ve got beeswax and hornets and blow.
Did you know I can hide Pantera
In the zipper behind my elbow?
Oh there’s fun to be had in my playsuit,
Delights I have yet to conceive.
Have you ever concealed a crustacean
In the billow of your sleeve?
But woe reared its head on the weekend,
When I found, to my dismay,
That I hadn’t left room for a condom,
And certainly not a bébé.

fa42a7d77000550e081ea5c4ed670721     il_570xN.502925849_j7fymccall romper

Above, from left to right: various babies in various rompers in various decades.

*I know you’ve all been refreshing the Fartbook homepage since September. Don’t lie to me. You are my best friends. This is a safe space. What happened to us? What have I become? Does anyone have a copy of the Kirk Cameron Christmas movie I can borrow?  No? Okay, I’ll find it on the deep web. Not a big deal. I got this one. My aunt gave me a lot of Bitcoins for hannukah, so like, I guess I gotta use em at some point, right?? Ha. Anyway, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I’m great. I’m doing great, thanks for asking.